When the Boss is a Bully

There are three types of people who have authority over others in the workplace. One is an Authentic Leader. This type of individual is a joy to work with. They care as much about the success of the people they lead as they do about their own success. They work tirelessly to help people reach their full potential, both at work and in life.

The second is a manager. They often think of themselves as leaders, but leading and managing are two very different things. The managers are typically more concerned with process than with people. They get stuff done, but in a much more tactical way than a leader would. They are not necessarily bad to work for, but it’s not as rewarding an experience as working with a leader.

Then there is the boss. Bosses are not usually great at managing, and they are even worse at leading. It’s not that they want to be, but if they have worked for a bad boss in the past, they are very likely to be a bad boss themselves. That doesn’t make them bad people; it just limits their ability to help people grow while getting stuff done.

But just as there are “levels” of leadership and managing, there are also levels of bossing. And no level of boss is worse than the boss who is a bully too.

Dealing with a bully is hard. It’s especially hard when the bully is your boss. Here are some steps to at least make an attempt at handling that situation.

Stay Calm. Keep your composure and try not to react emotionally. It’s essential to maintain professionalism in any confrontation. Obviously, this is easier said than done. None of us want to be somebody’s doormat. It’s instinctive to stand up for yourself. But you must rise above your lowly bully boss and be as professional as possible in all circumstances.

Document Everything. Keep a detailed record of the incidents. Jot down dates, times, what was said or done, and any witnesses present. This documentation can be crucial if you need to escalate the issue later.

Understand the Motivation. Try to understand why your boss is acting this way. Sometimes, their behavior might stem from personal issues, stress, or insecurity. Understanding their motivation can help you devise a more effective strategy for dealing with them. Don’t merely dismiss them as being a jerk; they might be, or it might be something entirely different causing them to be difficult.

Set Boundaries. Politely but firmly assert your boundaries. Let your boss know that their behavior is not acceptable to you. Be assertive without being confrontational. Let them know when they have crossed a line. You may need to remind them more than once. Only you can determine when “enough is enough” and it’s become time to escalate. If one time equals “enough is enough” for you, that’s fine. It doesn’t make you weak or a quitter or anything else. It only makes you someone who is protecting your own mental health, and that’s never a bad thing.

Seek Support. Talk to someone you trust about the situation, such as a colleague, HR representative, or mentor. They might offer valuable advice or support.

Address the Issue Directly. If you feel comfortable, consider having a private conversation with your boss to address their behavior. Choose a time when both of you are calm and free from distractions. Use “I” statements to express how their actions are impacting you, e.g., “I feel uncomfortable when…”

Utilize Company Policies. If the bullying persists or escalates, familiarize yourself with your company’s policies regarding harassment and workplace behavior. Consider reporting the behavior to HR or a higher-level manager. Again, this does not mean you’re a tattletale or any kind of loser. The policies exist because, as long as there have been bosses, there have been bosses who were bullies. Use the policies to your benefit because it’s very likely you’re benefiting others in your organization as well.

Explore Other Options. If the situation does not improve and your well-being continues to suffer, you may need to explore other job opportunities. No job is worth sacrificing your mental health. Resist the very human temptation to seek revenge on your way out the door. That’s not going to “fix” the boss, and in the long run it may cause you more regrets than the short-term satisfaction of revenge is worth.

Remember, you have rights in the workplace, and no one should have to endure bullying behavior, regardless of the perpetrator’s position. Never forget how valuable you are, both within the workplace and outside of it too. Don’t allow a bully to cause you to doubt that reality. You matter, you are special, you make a difference for people. A bully saying otherwise will never change those facts.

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