Life will always include some amount of conflict. Many people, including people in leadership positions, will go to great lengths to avoid engaging in conflict. Anything that is, except engaging in diplomacy.

Diplomacy makes it possible to resolve a conflict by working with people to find an outcome acceptable to all sides.

You may not believe that you are diplomatic enough to find middle ground with people of differing opinions. But it’s entirely possible you could be. Diplomacy is a skill and as I’ve written many times, skills can be developed through effort.

Being diplomatic involves managing communication and relationships well. It’s about navigating sensitive or contentious situations with tact, empathy, and consideration for others’ perspectives. If you’re interested in improving your diplomacy skills, here are some tips on how to make it happen.

Listen attentively. Understand the concerns, views, and feelings of others. Do so by actively listening without interruption. Show empathy and validate their feelings. Most importantly, listen with an open mind.

Choose words carefully. Use language that is neutral, respectful, and non-confrontational. Avoid inflammatory or accusatory language that could escalate tensions. It’s completely acceptable to have a few moments of silence in a conversation as you think about what you’re about to say. Never forget, once it’s said it can’t be unsaid. I’d rather people think I’m a slow thinking, slow talking individual than to say something I can’t unsay.

Focus on common ground. Find areas of agreement or shared goals. They will build rapport and a positive foundation for discussion. Even the smallest point of agreement can be a building block for a future resolution.

Acknowledge differences. Respectfully acknowledge differing viewpoints without dismissing or belittling them. Validate others’ perspectives even if you disagree. Remember, if you were them, with an identical upbringing and background, you would likely think exactly as they do. It’s not that they are necessary wrong, it’s just that they think different, based on their different upbringing.

Stay calm and composed. Maintain a calm demeanor, even in challenging situations. Avoid reacting impulsively or emotionally, as this can escalate conflicts. Think of it this way, if you lose control of your emotions, you lose.

Seek understanding. Ask clarifying questions to understand others’ concerns and motivations. This demonstrates your willingness to listen and collaborate.

Avoid blame and criticism. Instead of blaming or criticizing others, focus on solving problems and finding solutions.

Offer solutions. Propose compromises that address everyone’s concerns. Be open to negotiation and flexible in finding mutually beneficial outcomes.

Consider timing and context. Be mindful of when and where discussions take place. Choose appropriate settings and timing to have sensitive conversations. If someone doesn’t have time to talk then it’s best not to try and make them talk.

Maintain confidentiality. Respect confidentiality when discussing sensitive matters. Avoid sharing private information without permission. As they saying goes, two can keep a secret if one of them is dead. So when you’re told something in confidence, keep it confidential.

Build trust. Show truth, honor, and reliability in your actions. This will build trust over time.

After reaching agreements, follow up. Check that commitments are honored and that any issues are addressed.

By practicing these diplomatic strategies you can use diplomacy to resolve issues without starting a war. You can handle tough situations well. You can also build better relationships. This will create a more positive and productive environment.

It’ll build a happier you and in all likelihood, a happier “them” as well.

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