Being a first-generation college student often means that there is a divide between your school life and your home life. If you do not have members of your family or community that have the shared experience of going to college, then it can be challenging to bridge your new experience in college with your home life. Returning home during holiday breaks can emphasize this divide.
As a first-generation student, I remember how difficult it felt at first to return home. I was disheartened by what seemed to be disinterest from both friends and family when I went to talk about my courses or my research. During one Thanksgiving holiday, I was so distressed by the way I felt dismissed and alienated from my extended family that I convinced my mother to leave the gathering early. I didn’t understand at the time why, as I put it, “no one seemed to care” about my life. Was it because they thought I was being pretentious? That they assumed I was trying to prove I was better than them? These thoughts weighed on me. My mother didn’t have an answer for me but was sympathetic to my feelings. She helped me see that it wasn’t that my extended family didn’t care about me and my venture into higher education, but rather it is often that people don’t know how to ask about or engage in conversation about things with which they are unfamiliar. I reminded my mother that she always talked with me about my work and my academic passions even though she had no experience with it. It was then she admitted to me that for years already she had agreed with herself to always let me talk at will about school and my passions, even though most of the time she had no idea what I was saying. Well over a decade later, these experiences stick with me. While I am eternally grateful that my mother did and continued to engage with me regarding my schooling – listening to problems I was having in a class, sitting quietly while I read aloud a paper that I was particularly proud of – the feeling of disconnect from my home world still persists.
This disconnect is a hallmark of the first-generation student. It is the challenge that we all face when it comes to being the first in our family or community to attend college and forge a new unknown path. While it can sometimes fade into the background while we are immersed in the academic year, it rises to the surface during holiday breaks. The only advice I can offer you is to remain generous to yourself and those around you. Remember that people don’t often know how to ask questions about your college experience, but don’t let that hold you back from sharing moments that are important to you about your college life.
The experience you will have in light of the COVID-19 pandemic will differ from mine. You are unlikely to be gathering with large groups of family members and you may already have been home for the college term. These experiences are bound to both lessen and increase those feelings of disconnection that I describe above in unforeseen ways. First-generation students today are first-generation twice over, as you are also the first-generation of college students coping with the challenges of COVID-19. Again, I emphasize generosity with yourself and with others. Be proud of the work you’ve done and the new person you are becoming because of it. You now have multiple communities: those in your home community, those of your college peers, and those of first-generation students everywhere.
Written by: Dr. Angela Novak; First-Year Academic Advisor, RD Clark Honors College
